Now I know where to go.

I was born and raised in Russia, but I have been living and working abroad for several years now, in a large metropolis.

My journey to my true self began in 2018, when, without addressing anyone, I wrote a cry for help on a piece of paper... When you write to the Universe about being disgusted with yourself, it's a terrible feeling. But I guess that pain had to go....

A year later, realizing that I could not suddenly expose my soul to my loved ones, I decided to seek professional help, but I did not know where to start. Now I realize that this decision was very important - just to act, not to pass up in the face of the unknown.

I googled "psychologist online" and accidentally came across Ekaterina's page. Her calm, confident and warm attitude, which was felt even through the site, prompted and convinced me that I had found what I was looking for. Nowadays, many services are commercialized and professionals prefer quality over quantity, so finding Ekaterina was like finding a needle in a haystack.

There is a proportion in education: for one hour of class work there are at least two hours of independent work. And in psychological counseling, according to my observations, this is also an important component. Colossal personal development and mental recovery is facilitated by such an environment, in which an experienced guide indicates the direction of movement, and the "conducted" is ready to act and is involved in the process of self-discovery. With this attitude I started our work together.

Psychology is first and foremost a science, and it has tools. Catherine, as a true researcher, experienced and interested in the results, told me how to use them. Sometimes I had to answer uncomfortable questions that I had never asked myself or actively avoided. After some difficult topics, I felt like a squeezed lemon: my cheeks were burning, my words were running out, but inside I was relieved. I must say, it helped me a lot that no one judged me or compared me to anyone! I was given the opportunity to hear, understand and accept myself.

Before, my life was an endless race for achievements, which I did not even know how to do and simply did not have time to enjoy. In this race of human warmth was so little that many of my relationships were strained and insincere. In them I was running away from imaginary or past misfortunes rather than creating.

At first, when Catherine asked me about my feelings, I didn't recognize them, answering one-wordedly and uncertainly. As time went on, I realized that I had long worn the mask of a "proper woman" who had been doing nothing but diligently following the instructions for leading a "decent life" and dividing everything and everyone: life, people, things into "right" and "wrong". But the feeling that something was wrong never left me, even though it was not appropriate for me to complain.

There was a persistent pain in my soul. The body, which was no longer able to live with the inner conflict, began to throw up more and more problems, because the tension from unexpressed emotions, sooner or later necessarily finds its expression in bodily ailments ....

The good news is that, as it turned out, in the process of working with a psychologist, this tension can be relieved and restore health to the soul and body.

Gradually, with Catherine, I began to understand my true, deep desires, to feel more confident, to read and freely express my emotions, to listen to body signals in a timely manner. I finally understood what it means to love myself and it is no longer abstract words, but a reality - now I live this way!

It all took time, a new way of living and way of thinking is not acquired in a week, just from reading a book or completing an online marathon. Gradually I learned to live my life anew, tasted it, formed new habits, hung special diagrams on the wall, reminders - and if I fell down, I learned to get up.

But most importantly, I discovered the deeper cause of my problems, which was the skewed relationships and "rules of life" established in my parents' family and unconsciously, automatically reproduced by me in my adult life. Dependence in these relationships and guilt paralyzed my inner support and violated my boundaries in relations with other people, figuratively speaking, anyone could "come and tread" on my territory.... When I made this discovery, I was shocked!

Now I am rebuilding "my house". I am beginning to communicate with my family members in a new way, although it is not easy, but it is deeply important. I continue to learn self-reflection, tracing the sources of certain emotions and trying to remember my life guidelines in time.

Also, I've learned how to relax and not feel guilty about it!

It was also important to accept that there are always circumstances in life beyond my control and that I am not an omnipotent being.

Most importantly, I now clearly see the life I want to live, clearly understand my goals and know how and where to go!