My story began when my spouse went to a psychologist, and after about six months of regular sessions, he began recommending that I work with a specialist as well.

Frankly speaking, it was unclear why it was necessary, if I personally had no request, but my husband argued that even in this situation it was worth a try.

I thought about it, but I didn't rush into it.
I remember that after a few months, I felt devastation, loneliness inside and lack of understanding: "where am I, who am I and what should I do?". Then it flashed in my head: "now is probably the right time", after which I started searching for a specialist on my own.

I live in an English-speaking country and it was important for me to find a Russian-speaking psychologist. I decided to look on Instagram. I spent several weeks carefully reading psychologists' blogs in order to choose my person. I watched carefully - what he writes about, what he says, how he presents information and whether he responds to me. That's how I decided on my choice.

The first online meeting, the second, the third and gradually an alternative view of myself and everything that happens in my life began to form. Before, it seemed that I had everything like "normal people": family life - ok, relations with parents also ok, and in general I am a person without any problems.

However, from the first sessions, it was not by chance that such topics as my habitual patterns of relationships with people, emotional intelligence, stressful life events, psychological maturity, values, etc. came up. Everything took place in the format of conversation and leading questions from Catherine, for the answer to which I often needed a new way of looking at the situation. Sometimes I took important questions with me "to think about". I enjoyed exploring my own life, thanks to the homework that accompanied the whole period of our cooperation.

In my opinion, it was this format - professionally voiced guiding questions combined with homework assignments - that helped me to gradually conduct quality inner work and dig, dig, dig....
And the deeper I dug, the clearer I realized what was happening.

At some point, the picture began to take shape: why I behave this way and not that way, why I show certain qualities of character, what kind of people my parents, relatives, friends are, who my environment consists of. Situations, words and deeds of people, as well as their influence on my life became clearer. When some topics "came to me", I often experienced, in a good sense, a "slight shock" and thought: "Well, why, why didn't I recognize this before and didn't turn to a psychologist "even before"...??".

I realized that "control" was a predominant quality of my mother, and I saw how deeply unemotional my father was. I realized how my husband's childhood traumas and harsh upbringing manifested into his adult life, and the difficulties this created in our relationship. It also became apparent to me that most of my friends had never emotionally matured. Some in their 30s have never separated from their parents and continue to lay claim to them or someone else.
And yes, I finally began to understand my boss's actions, the "Soviet stereotypes of the 90s" and how this affects his, to put it mildly, "amazing" style of managing a Western company.

So I gradually unraveled everything that had been planted in my head during all the years of my life, choosing who I wanted to be as a person, and who I wanted to go with.

After such work on myself, it was as if I had entered a new stage of life.
To date, I have reconsidered my relationships with many people, and I have set my accents in a new way. Now I choose to do what I like. And I finally realized that I have every right to increase the distance where there are no common values, mutual respect, understanding and sense of tact.

At one point I regretted not starting "just yesterday", but now I'm sure everything worked out well, just when I was ready for it. All in good time.

And if you don't have an inner request with which you would turn to a psychologist now, then maybe you should wait for the moment when it will be not only interesting, but also vital for you to answer the question "WHO AM I?". And if your inner door is at least slightly ajar to knowing yourself, that could be the beginning of change. It's a really very rewarding and life shaping experience.